A collection of anecdotes before I retire:

Tied to a Tree

One time at scout camp I wanted to sleep in. So I pretended to be asleep when everyone else was up. Some of the other boys tied me to a tree. I was awake the whole time and let them do it because I thought it was hilarious. My friend Wes didn’t realize I was aware of what was going on and felt bad for me and cut me down.

Endurance

I had a job in high school bagging groceries. Part of the job was to bring in the carts from outside. One time I was bringing in 10 or so carts and a fellow employee who happened to be an attractive young woman asked me how I was able to get so many at once. Being that I was an awkward kid that was afraid of girls, the only thing that came to my mind was character attributes from role-playing games, so I said, “Umm, uh, endurance.”

Help Me

When I was a young teenager I liked to make myself pass out. This was especially easy at church since I was wearing a tie and I could tighten it around my neck causing me to black out. One time I did this in church and when I came out of the blackout I was so unaware of what was going on that I said, “Help me daddy I’m scared!” really loud at church.

Give ‘Em What They Want

I was once nominated for the a student award at my middle school. I can’t quite remember what the award was called but only one student got it per month, so supposedly getting nominated was an honor in it’s own right. Anyway, for all the kids that got nominated we had to answer one question and that would determine who would win the award. My friend Aaron was nominated that same month. They told us the question: “Who is someone that you felt was an important influence on your life?” and gave us a few minutes to think about an answer. We told the answer to the teachers in private, so no other students would know what we said. When it came time for me to give my answer I said, “George Lucas.” They asked me why, and I said, “Because he invented Star Wars.” And Star Wars was pretty cool. In retrospect they definitely weren’t impressed with my answer. After Aaron had had his turn we asked each other what we’d said. Aaron told me that he said his dad. And I thought that maybe I should have said my mom, because my mom was ten times the person that Aaron’s dad was. Neither one of us got the award. But I did learn a valuable lesson, a lot of times it’s better to just give someone the answer they want and not what is really in your heart.

I Adjust

My brother, sister, and I quite enjoyed playing chess. And we liked to follow some of the “official” rules. One of the official rules is that if you touch a piece you must move that piece unless you say “I adjust” before moving that piece, after which you can center that piece in it’s square. One thing we would like to do is say “I adjust you queen!” and then flick our opponent’s queen from the board.